Trigger warning: mention of suicidal ideation, mental health intervention and reckless driving. When I was 15 years old, my boyfriend at the time shared with me that sometimes he would drive too fast, running red lights, etc., just to see what would happen. Because there was a part of him that wanted to die. I was deep into therapy and …
Defeated and Grateful: Holding Duality and Living Wholly
A natural result of committing to this inner work is it tends to expand one’s capacity for duality. To hold multiple things at once. To allow two seemingly opposing things to be true, simultaneously. I am sitting here this evening both devastatingly defeated and overwhelmingly grateful. I am watching as my partner modifies our home yet again to meet our …
My Body Hasn’t Always Felt Like Home
I live in a body that for much of my life has not felt like home. These days I often don’t recognize it. I’d be lying if I said I never wince at its sight. It doesn’t look like the body that I worked so hard for, so many years ago. The clothing that used to feel most comfortable, no …
I heard myself in another Mother today
I heard myself in another mother at the beach today. The gentle but firm, almost cautious tone.The endless listening as her child did not respond to her questions but continued to share the internal mental dialogue that was running in his mind.The timers, and gentle reminders.The carefully expressed, calculated front loading.The patience and softness in her heart as it was …
Baptized by Nature
I woke today with a call from my soul. It was time to be baptized, again, by nature.The tide was not on my sideButThe earth, she still holds me when water can’t.The sand, she still grounds me; and the energy of the tide going outWater returning to her sourceWith it, it pulls what is ready to be released from me …
