Trigger warning: mention of suicidal ideation, mental health intervention and reckless driving.
When I was 15 years old, my boyfriend at the time shared with me that sometimes he would drive too fast, running red lights, etc., just to see what would happen. Because there was a part of him that wanted to die.
I was deep into therapy and mental health interventions of my own at the time and in that, I disclosed this.
I was so scared. For him; for the other people who might be on the road at the same time as him.
I was so scared for myself. For what this would mean for our relationship, that I “outed him”.
The professionals promised me that they were only going to call him; check on him and see if he wanted to talk.
The people-pleaser in me was terrified of how he would feel towards me.
The protector in me knew I was doing the right thing.
The part of me that loved him was gutted.
All I really wanted was to do right by him (and anyone else who could accidentally be involved).
All I really wanted was for everyone’s health and safety.
In reality, the police showed up at his house, and then at his work where he was off shift with friends where they took him out to the side of the road and questioned him. Right there, in public, in a small town. Somewhere in the unfolding of events either the police or his parents searched his room, I don’t know which; they found letters.
He basically never spoke to me again.
I still think of him sometimes, and I wonder who he became and how that experience shaped him. I think about his family and I wonder about what came next – did he receive any support that was actually helpful? Did he get shamed? Does he carry the weight of it today? I still wonder how he’s doing now and whether or not he continues to blame me.
15-year-old me still carries the heartbreak, betrayal and loss to this day.
She still wants to explain herself and beg him for forgiveness.
She still wants to confront the professionals for not handling it in the way they promised they would; for taking it so much further than 15-year-old me ever could have pictured.
She wonders if she saved any lives that day and now, over 19 years later, I still wish there had been a better way.
About Denise Elysa
Denise Elysa is a practitioner and teacher of multiple modalities including somatic inquiry, intuitive energy healing, past life regression, oracle card reading and meditation. Blending somatic inquiry, somatic parts work, nervous-system informed education, intuition and grounded spirituality, she helps people who feel disconnected or chronically unwell reconnect with themselves, increase their capacity and awaken their inner healer, without requiring medical validation or overwhelming routines.
While Denise works with guests of all different lifestyles, needs and backgrounds, she holds a special place in her heart for those living with complex chronic diseases such as ME/CFS, MCAS, Fibromyalgia, POTS, hEDS, Lyme disease and co-infections, as well as other coexisting conditions. After years of navigating her own recovery through over 30 different medical diagnoses, she is living out what she considers to be her life's work by supporting others in the same methods that got her out of a wheelchair and a life filled with anxiety, depression and disconnection, and back to herself. She does this through her online community - EmbodiedSoul with Denise Elysa, her 1:1 sessions - particularly her Bridge to Embodiment Program, and through her podcast - Coming Home to Ourselves with Denise Elysa. Additionally, she is contracted to two of the Internal Medicine Specialists at the BC-CLMF to co-facilitate group sessions for their patients.
How is Denise’s work different from others?
- Over 13 years of experience in professionally supporting people with their health and wellbeing
- Lived experience navigating complex chronic illness, Lyme disease and co-infections, autoimmune diseases, chronic pain conditions, trauma, disability, neurodivergence and nervous system healing
- Contracted to Internal Medicine Specialists to co-facilitate offerings to their patients living with complex chronic diseases such as ME/CFS, Fibromyalgia, Post-Viral Illness, LC, MCAS, POTS, Chronic Pain, hEDS, and other co-occurring conditions
- Foundation of her energy healing work is based in Therapeutic Touch® and acknowledged by the Therapeutic Touch International Association as meeting all criteria for each of their courses and is a member in good standing with the BCTTNS
